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Have you read this week's epistle from Jules?

Episode 181

Attack of the Blue Fairy

     Mr. Lo Pat is used to this, however, as any person disabled for any length of time must get used to it or crumble under the extra weight of ignorance added to the already stifling weight of the disability itself. That is why he has brought Kalima along with him, to ease the rough edges, to help when help is needed, or if it is a matter of suffering through yet another idiocy, providing Mr. Lo Pat with a companion to ease the idiocy, before he starts believing that the idiocy may be his and not his torturers'.

     Kalima is now in the process of unfolding the wheelchair, which has just ridden in the trunk of the taxicab that has taken them from Quilty Prep to Nighten Day. The taxicab driver -- where is Mom when you need her?-- is a loose-jawed, red-faced man in his early twenties wearing a backwards Yankees baseball cap that has not been washed since Joe DiMaggio's retirement party. The driver's idea of helping the man in the wheelchair and his teenage companion is to sit glued to the driver's seat staring in any direction but where his passengers happen to be. This may, Mr. Lo Pat thinks, be for the best.

     "Got it," Kalima says, opening the taxi door on Mr. Lo Pat's side.

     Mr. Lo Pat nods. He is able to sidle over to her using his arms, and when he is close enough she grabs his feet and swings them out of the cab. At this point she turns around and Mr. Lo Pat grabs on to her right shoulder and the open car door and hoists himself up, coming down in the strategically placed chair with a happy snap. They are getting good at this.

     "Onward," the coach says, flipping the switch of his chair and whirring toward the front of the building.

     Without another look at the driver, Kalima slams the taxi door and follows in Mr. Lo Pat's wake.

     ***

      "This is a pleasure," Tarnish Jutmoll says.

     "The pleasure is all mine," Mr. Lo Pat replies. "And there is something I wanted to talk to you about."

     They are sitting in the faculty cafeteria, a small room adjacent to the regular cafeteria. Kalima has gone off to find Griot Goldbaum, her best friend on Nighten's former LD team.

     "Did you enjoy the Venerable?" Tarnish asks.

     "I hated every minute of it," Mr. Lo Pat says. "But then again, I always do. Of course, Sister Levi dying like that made this one a little worse than usual."

     Tarnish Jutmoll nods. "So fast," he says. "Just like… that."

     "Just like that? What's wrong with just like that? Just like that is the best way to go."

     Tarnish shakes his head. "I don't know. Sometimes I think it might be better to linger, if only for a little while. At least you'd get to tie up all the loose ends."

     "How many loose ends could a hundred-year-old nun have?" Mr. Lo Pat asks.

     "I'm talking about my loose ends, not Sister Levi's. But maybe by the time I'm a hundred, all my ends will be tight too."

     "I think that's an ancient Chinese proverb. 'May you live to be a hundred with tight ends.' If it isn't, it should be."

     "Do you want something to eat?" Tarnish asks.

     "Cafeteria food?"

     Tarnish nods.

     Mr. Lo Pat's brow wrinkles. "I'll get something on the way back to the city."

     "So what did you want to talk about, then?" Tarnish asks.

     "Well," Mr. Lo Pat says, "I've just come from Quilty Prep. You know how I feel about them, I'm sure."

     "You've told me many times. You think those kids are totally out of control, and something should be done about them."

     "Exactly. And today I went to their principal to do exactly that."

     "You gave him a piece of your mind?"

     "Not just a piece. The whole thing."

     "And what did he say? Is he disbanding the team?"

     "We didn't talk about disbanding it. We talked about something much better. We talked about finally putting a responsible adult in charge of it."

     "And the principal agreed? Good. It's about time."

     "Very much about time."

     "But," Tarnish asks, "if they've had this potential coach waiting in the wings, why didn't they just put him or her in there in the first place?"

     "He's not really waiting in the wings," Mr. Lo Pat replies. "He's not one of their teachers."

     "He's a parent?"

     "No, he's a teacher. But a teacher somewhere else. A very capable teacher, and also a very capable debate coach. He has recently become available, which makes the timing perfect."

     "That's great!" Tarnish says.

     "I was hoping you'd think so," Mr. Lo Pat says. He smiles rather enigmatically. It takes a minute before Tarnish Jutmoll gets it.

     He gets it.

     "You would be perfect to take over as the Quilty coach," Mr. Lo Pat says. "The fact that your own team has dissolved is one of the great disappointments in the entire realm of forensics since I've been involved. Every time we lose a major participant in the activity, the whole activity suffers. I cannot create the funds to reactivate your own team, but if things can be worked out between your schools, you should at least be able to bring your considerable skills to Quilty."

     "Conservation of debate energy," Tarnish says.

     "Exactly." Mr. Lo Pat lowers his voice. "And to be honest with you, the principal there indicated that it would be very much in the realm of possibility, if an arrangement could not be made for you to merely coach, that he could hire you on there. Suitably hire on, that is. Quilty is a good school district for any teacher, Tarnish. Most of us would give their eye teeth to work there."

     Tarnish Jutmoll tugs on his white goatee. "A lot of teachers would," he agrees.

     "You'll think about it, then? It would be a great opportunity."

     Tarnish Jutmoll stares at him blankly.

     "What is it, Tarnish?"

     Tarnish sighs. "I am having one of those days," he explains, letting the vagueness hang in the air. "How about if I let you know tonight?"

     "I don't think there's that much of a rush, Tarnish. Although sooner would be much better than later, especially if the answer is yes."

     "I have to meditate on it. And some other things. And I have to meditate on them quickly." He is now absentmindedly twisting the white hair of his right eyebrow. "Can I show you around the school while you're here?" he asks.

     "I've seen your school, Tarnish. Many times. I've tabbed your Policy divisions at the Snow Ball for the last two decades."

     Tarnish laughs. "That seems like a million years ago."

     "The most recent one was only last year. You could, you know, relocate the Snow Ball to Quilty."

     "Maybe. But lately I've been working with Amnea Nutmilk on reviving the Monadnock in January."

     "So I understand. That's a good idea too. How is she doing, by the way?"

     "Oh, fine. Definitely fine."

     "It's always a dubious affair when parents get involved. I have nothing against parents per se, of course, but if nothing else they tend to disappear along with their own kids, for obvious reasons. Her son is already a senior, isn't he? He's an old Lodestoner, you know."

     "I think she'll continue with the activity after he leaves. At least for a while."

     "You could always take over up there, if you don't do the Quilty thing. Although I can't imagine why you wouldn't do the Quilty thing, to tell you the truth. It's an absolute plum."

     "Having my own team here at Nighten Day would be the best plum of all," Tarnish says.

     "But where are you going to get a Blue Fairy to come down and make that dream come true, Tarnish? I'm probably the closest you're going to get to any Blue Fairy, and my pot of gold is Quilty."

     "I don't think it's Blue Fairies go with the pots of gold, my friend. But to tell you the truth, lately I seem to have Blue Fairies coming out my ears." He looks at his watch. "I have a class in a few minutes. I'm going to have to run." He pulls back his chair and stands up.

     "You go, Tarnish. I'll find Kalima. She's somewhere in the student cafeteria. You'll let me know tonight?"

     "One way or the other, yes. I'll let you know tonight." He extends his hand, and Mr. Lo Pat takes it in his, and then Tarnish Jutmoll scuttles off out of the teachers' lounge, his crabbish gait more pronounced than usual.

     Mr. Lo Pat, little realizing that he is merely the latest in the day's forensic fairies, whirrs himself toward the students' cafeteria, to find Kalima and get back to the welcome familiarity of the city.

Will Tarnish Jutmoll change his mind about the offer from Tom Starbuck and accept the offer from the Quilty principal?

Has Tarnish Jutmoll made up his mind about the offer from Tom Starbuck?

Have you made up your mind and voted at nostrum @ yahoogroups.com?

If a tree falls in the woods, does that mean that a nation loses its right to develop?

Can we get some service over here?



Toot toot and fare thee well in our next crackerjack episode: "If Bishop Berkeley falls in the forest and no one hears him, will he start singing the lumberjack song?"

Go to the next episode due soon... (we're taking a holiday break).